What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
