u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dicks are not precious.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
