just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
