How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Your penis caused this!
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