Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
