Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
