Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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