if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
