You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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