dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
