i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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