i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
