Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
