My first STD was from a foam party
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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