The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
