All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we should paint friendship bongs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
