Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
