I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
