Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How external is "for external use only"?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
