i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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