Quick, to the slutcave!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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