there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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