Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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