Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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