Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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