Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
