I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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