Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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