The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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