oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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