I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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