Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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