I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
