you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
