Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
