If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
