so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
