he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
