Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My life is pants optional.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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