Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
