if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
