So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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