didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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