I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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