You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
