Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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