Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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