You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
