Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
