just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
