I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
