it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
