I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
