kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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