happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
